6. Friendships And Life Stages
In this week’s episode, Merritt discusses her current struggle with making social plans thanks to a dwindling number of single and/or childfree friends! She dives into the transitions friendships go through as you enter various life stages, and her desire to widen her social circle with more people in a similar life stage to her own. She also gives an egg freezing update, chats about Peloton instructor engagements (and her obsession with following them), and the show she just started watching last week!
In the Beck and Call segment, Merritt answers questions on how to stay true to your style and the clothing purchases that were inspired by Meghan Markle! Call 214-620-0473 to leave a voicemail and ask Merritt anything!
Follow @beckandcallpodcast on Instagram for visual guides to each episode and behind-the-scenes content. You can also follow @merrittbeck for more fashion content and personal updates from Merritt!
EPISODE AUDIO TRANSCRIPTION
Hey guys, welcome back to the beck and call podcast. I'm your host Merritt Beck. I am a fashion and lifestyle blogger. And on this podcast I'm talking about all things life work and love as a single woman in my 30s I feel like this week and weekend went by so fast. And part of that is because I dedicated like two and a half days to a Poshmark sale, I, as a fashion blogger, of course have a lot of clothes. And I just you know, I'm constantly getting rid of stuff donating, selling, and I had some, you know, Fall Winter stuff from the past few years that I've been needing to sell items that just don't fit me anymore, and things that you know, I've held on to thinking I'll wear again and just won't. So I, I put them on Poshmark on Tuesday, but if you've never used Poshmark, before, it's very labor intensive, you have to take photos of every piece, ideally some with you wearing them. So for me, that means going back through old blog posts and finding those for each item that I share, then you have to go through like old order emails to figure out what you know the size and price and everything, the original details about each item, then you upload each item individually, there's no way to do it all at once. So that takes a few minutes per product. And I had like 50 items this time that I was trying to sell. So it took a whole day to do that. And then of course when the orders start coming in, you have to package them up, print out the labels, and then take them to USPS. And so I'm so grateful that I did it because you know, I'm clearing out some things in my closet that I just don't need anymore, it was nice to make some additional money, especially while I'm doing this egg freezing process. It is very expensive. So it'll be nice to have some extra cash to help with that. And I'm glad that you guys find stuff that you like. So they're definitely wonderful things about it. But it does take up a lot of my time when I do it. So I dedicated like two and a half days to doing that all of the things sold in all in all I sold, I think like 50 items. So I get my hangers back. That's really exciting. And it feels good to just sort of clean house a little bit. But I'm so happy to have that out of the way because I'm really getting into holiday content. Now we're at that time of the year things are getting very crazy. I have a lot of collaborations coming up. I'm starting to work on holiday gift guides last week even started working on my holiday winter capsule wardrobe, which I know many of you will be excited about. And if you're new to following me I do capsule wardrobes every season. I've been doing them since 2019. And it's a great way to get outfit inspiration with the items that are already hanging in your closet. But you might also get some great new ideas for pieces to get for the coming season. Each capsule wardrobe I create features about 20 to 25 pieces styled into hundreds of different outfits. This is all in collage format. And I include them in a PDF so that you can print them out and easily reference them while you're perusing your own closet and trying to figure out your outfits for the holiday season. And like I do on my blog, I try to incorporate a wide variety of price points in the capsule wardrobes. And then I also do my best to include size inclusive pieces as well. And I'm going to do my best to get the holiday capsule out sooner rather than later. Because I know there are a lot of shipping delays. I know you guys like more inspiration early and you know, supply chain mishaps are all over the place right now. So I'm going to try and get that out in early November. And then the holiday gift guides will start coming out the first week of November. And I'm going to do my best to get all of them published before cyber week. Because of those shipping delays. Because of those supply chain issues that are happening all across the world. I think this is just a good idea to get it all out there. So you guys have plenty of time to get everything you need before the holidays. Now for a little egg freezing update. So if you recall this last week was the first week I did an injection. I have not started the stimulation injections yet but I had I did the esterase pill for a few days. And then I started to gain a relyx injections for three nights and I started that on Wednesday and it really wasn't that bad. I'm I'm not like particularly scared of needles or blood or anything like that. It's more just as I said before the apprehension of pain or whatever like you're scared because you can't remember and you're scared of doing it yourself. But I asked the area for 10 to 15 minutes every night and it completely numbed it and I didn't feel it at all I will admit that I made two little mistakes. So I'll share that with you. But what you're supposed to do with this particular shot is you're supposed to grab your stomach fat and then inject the needle then release the stomach fat and then push in the liquid and the first time I did it I forgot to release the hold on my stomach fat and just pushed in most of the liquid And I did notice that that caused some soreness and discomfort, like almost immediately after, after I was not numb anymore. And then the next day, I could feel that area, it was tender and kind of sore while I was working out and doing like an ab exercise. It wasn't that comfortable. So just don't do that and you'll be good. And then the second mistake I made was actually the last injection I had on Friday night, you're supposed to kind of knock the air bubbles to the top before you inject yourself, which I did. But as I was injecting myself, I thought I saw another air bubble and kind of freaked out because you know, TV and movie industry plays it off like that will kill you. So I removed it quickly and tapped it again to see if I could get it out. And it wasn't an air bubble. It was my imagination. So then I stuck it back in and released the rest of medicine in there. I hope that wasn't bad. But like I'm still here. So I guess that's fine. But overall, those first three injections were fairly easy. And so I feel confident going into this next stage this week, I'll be able to handle it. And the point of those injections and the medicine I took last week was to get me to start my period. And so I did TMI, but I did and that means I'll go in for my baseline appointment probably Tuesday because obviously the office isn't open on the weekend. So I'll call first thing Monday morning and I assume they'll get me in the next morning for my baseline and at the baseline appointment they do they run some blood tests, they do probably a vaginal sonogram and you know, that is the day I will actually start the real stimulation injections where I do it every night it'll be a variety of meds and I'll be sure to update you guys on that process and that appointment and let you know what I hear the baseline appointment is also when I pay for the rest of the you know procedure. So I've already paid about five grand for the drugs and then I'll pay about five grand for the procedure and doctor's visits and all of that stuff at my baseline appointment and those prices don't even include the storage of the eggs so we'll get into that once we get there. Needless to say it's an expensive process and I'm really crossing my fingers hoping that I will only have to do this this one time. I didn't do a whole lot this weekend and I'll talk a little more about why later on in the episode but the weather was fantastic Reese's and I went on two very long walks in two different neighborhoods and it was beautiful. I got to snap some pretty photos of homes with all these big pumpkin displays. I just love that I love anytime during the holidays whether it's you know, Autumn fall or the Christmas season and the lights Dallas is very well manicured. And so the homes are always you know, dressed to the nines and it's really fun to walk around and snap photos. I also got to enjoy my very first hot Chai of the season. That is my go to Starbucks order this time of year. It just tastes like Christmas. I love it. It's my favorite. And speaking of favorites while I was grocery shopping earlier this week I also found Bluebell peppermint ice cream which is another one of my holiday favorites and I definitely bought some I am ashamed to say I've almost eaten the entire half gallon in less than a week's time somebody needs to take it away from the same goes for the Halloween candy I bought like two weeks ago, we still have like two weeks until Halloween, but there's not a chance there's going to be any left. By the time Halloween actually gets here I'm definitely gonna have to buy more. Needless to say I'm very much in the holiday mindset. Now I also ordered my dog Reese's, a hohoho personal sweater from Mark and Graham and there's pretty slow with shipping so I didn't expect it to get here so fast. I ordered it last week, but it just arrived and it's the cutest thing ever. Of course I have her Christmas outfit but have not yet tackled the Halloween costume and I need ideas. So if you have suggestions, send me a DM on the at beck and call podcast Instagram account. Last year I phoned in and just bought her a pair of cheap batwings from Amazon because she was at bevel dog behavior for boot camp over Halloween. I did get to go and like take a picture with her with her batwings but we didn't really celebrate Halloween together because she was there. So this year I've got to step it up and get her a real costume. And just a reminder to follow that account at beck and call podcast on Instagram because I'm sharing visual cues for each episode I'm sharing more egg freezing updates in detail and talking about some additional things that will come up on the podcast here on that account. So definitely head over there and follow at beck and call podcast. Now for the latest. I don't have that much to report except for I started billions last week and I'm really loving it. It's a Showtime show with Damian Lewis and I'm so late to this game. I think they're on the fifth season right now. I am on season two already. I am just blowing through it. I love it. I never thought I'd like a show about finance in the stock market. But here we are. It's pretty intense, but it's also very funny. I have really really enjoyed it so far? And secondly, this is so random. I don't know how many of you guys are involved with peloton or have a peloton or use any of those workouts but I am totally into following all of the instructors who are getting engaged and getting married right now and even if you're not into peloton I am sure you saw a picture from Allie loves wedding this summer. She got married in Mexico and it was like a five day extravaganza with different events every day she had these dramatic beautiful outfits. It looked like such a party and it was you know, plastered all over the internet. And now we've got Salinas and Willa and Olivia Amato, two other instructors that I take their classes a lot. They both just got engaged, as did the London instructors, Ben Alldis and Leanne Haines B. And I love their relationship because it sort of came out during COVID. They were sort of forced to announce their relationship because during the pandemic, all of the peloton, instructors had to film the classes from their own houses. And because they were living together, they couldn't keep it a secret. And so everyone found out pretty quickly and they just got engaged at the end of summer and recently had an engagement party as well. That looked so much fun. And anyway, back to the US instructors. Selena Samuela had her engagement party a couple of weekends ago, I absolutely loved her dress, I'll be sure to include a photo on the beck and call podcast Instagram page. So check that out to see what it is. And she also had her bachelorette party in Santa Fe last weekend, which lots of cute pics from that as well. It's just been really fun to follow and I can't wait to see more of all of their upcoming wedding events. But I feel like the tables have turned I'm an influencer and I'm so clued into their personal lives. They are just you know these peloton instructors that I've come to follow and I take all their classes and I feel like I know them but they have no idea who I am. It probably verges on creepy that I'm so interested to see what they're doing for their engagement party and wedding and you know what they're into on their time off off of the peloton stuff but it's really fun to follow.
I had originally planned to talk about dog ownership and the expectations versus reality of it all this week. But over the weekend, something happened that made me change my mind. I will be doing the dog episode soon. But today I wanted to talk about friendships and how they change over the years as you go through different life stages. So kind of like the dating conversation I had and the Great Expectations episode, I never really considered being single a problem I still don't. But it has affected friendships over time, just as you consider everyone's at a different life stage. And kind of the older you get. Those seem to happen more often with your different friends. And again, this wasn't something I like noticed gradually. It's something that I just noticed this year. And I don't know if it's the pandemic and just people have slowed down and aren't doing as much or what, but I've noticed these changes more abruptly than gradually. So Friday night, we all were kind of doing our own thing. And we decided to make a plan to do something Saturday afternoon or evening. And so that in my mind was a plan. We didn't have anything set in stone, we hadn't decided where we were going to go or what time we were going to meet that I was like, Okay, I'm doing something tomorrow afternoon. And so Saturday morning, Reese's, and I went on a walk, I got ready for the day, I took her to the mutts warpstock for about an hour and a half all thinking that I was going to have something to do in a couple of hours. So then I went home and was starting to text people trying to get the plan together. And everyone was being a little non committal. And I was getting really frustrated. And you know, I probably wouldn't be as disappointed if this hadn't happened to me multiple times over the last several months. But I just feel like it's getting harder and harder to get people to go out and do fun stuff and get together and I missed that like I want to be out and doing stuff just feels like a lot has changed in a very short amount of time. And maybe that's not true. Maybe it's just maybe it has been happening gradually. But everything has become so clear in recent months. Or maybe I've just reached my limit with alone time when we make plans. It's kind of rare. Like we don't go out all that often. It's hard to get everyone together. And so I really count on those to like, bring me back to life like I I love being around my friends and hanging out with them. And so when it doesn't happen, it feels like a huge letdown. And so today I thought we'd sort of talk through my experience with that kind of going from my early 20s to now and how my friendships have evolved in changed when I was in my early 20s For example, I always had a bunch of people I could make plans with to go out with and not just on the weekends we would grab drinks and dinner all Throughout the week, often going out Thursday, Friday, Saturday night, we would travel together, we would have these big girls night outs, we would I mean, we would just do stuff often. And now that I'm 34, it is so hard to get anyone to commit to anything, it's hard to get groups together, it's even hard to get people one on one. Naturally, as people get older and get further into their careers or start dating people, you just start being less available. As people start to couple up, not only do they go out less, but when they do go out, they make plans with other coupled up people kind of leaving the single people out. And I've also noticed that coupled up people travel with other coupled people, when you have a house party and you have kids, you invite other people who are married with kids, you don't necessarily invite the single people, which is all valid and makes sense. But it does make single people feel a little more single and a little more alone. It just feels like my life has become an exclusive couples only club that I am not cool enough to. And then when you add kids to the mix, not only do they not go out because they're busy with them, or right now at all, thanks to pandemic which is again, totally understandable. But if they do make plans to go out, it's with coupled up friends or their kids, friends, parents, it's usually not with a single friend. More often than not, when I see my friends with kids, it is either me going to their house, or there's a girls dinner once every few months. And as you progress through these different life stages, like marriage, kids, etc, you tend to see more of the people in your current life stage. And that doesn't make your other friendships, any more or less important. You just have different priorities and are looking for different things out of your friendships in these various life stages, I've just had to adjust my expectation. So like I know, I can always count on all of my friends to support me lend an ear or a helping hand if I need it. But I know I can't always count on certain friends to grab a drink or meet up at the drop of a hat anymore. So with all of that said, I have started to rely on my single and childfree friends for plans and being 34. There just aren't that many of them these days. And while that's worked for a while, even my few single friends are starting to go out less make other plans, you know, the world is opening up so we're traveling again. And over the last few months, there have been several times when I thought a plan to go out or meet up was going to happen only to have it fall through the day of and it's become pretty frustrating as I am so desperate for social interaction. By the time the weekend comes around, I work from home, I work from myself and pretty much only see and talk to Liza during the work week. I also just really like to have a plan. So if I feel like there's one in place, and then the plan falls through, and I have nothing else to fall back on. It makes me feel helpless, lonely and kind of pathetic if I'm being honest. And this is not a knock on my friends at all. But more so on me for putting all of my eggs in one basket so to speak, I'm unfairly putting all of my social plan expectations on two to three people who are completely entitled to have a relaxing weekend and died off making other plans. And I just realized that I need to begin widening my social circle to include more single and child free people who want to go out and do things on a more regular basis. Anyway, I shared my frustration with this situation on the ad beck and call podcast Instagram over the weekend and was so surprised at how many of you feel the same way and are in the same boat right now. And I was scared to share it for a couple of reasons. One of which, obviously, I don't want to make anyone mad. I love all my friends. Nobody is at fault but me for putting my expectations on them. And to owning up to this kind of made me feel like a loser. Because so much of what you see of my life is a highlight reel on my blog and my Instagram, it's all clothes and travel and decorating my house and my cute dog. When I share this more vulnerable stuff. I don't want people to think of me as less than or not cool. Like I want people to like me, of course. So it was incredibly reassuring when so many of you DM me and said you're in the exact same boat. I feel a camaraderie here. And I don't know about you guys, but I do not feel like this is a topic that is touched on enough, especially now as women are working more. They're excelling in their careers. They're waiting to get married. They're foregoing having kids. And I do think part of that is just where I'm located. Being in Texas being in a very, you know, conservative state. There's a lot of pressure to get married, have kids have this perfect family. And I feel like there aren't enough people talking about these issues. And I talked to my mom about this too, because she you know, my dad died when I was in college and she was alone for like five years before she met my stepdad. And she did say that there were a number of occasions where she felt left out when there were couples trips and couples dinners and because she wasn't in a couple at the time. She wasn't included in those things. And during that time, she spent more time with her single friends, those that had been divorced or others that had lost a spouse. So this issue is not exclusive to a certain age group or a life stage. It can happen anytime throughout your life. And navigating these changes in your friendships can be challenging, but it's also freeing because then you can open yourself up to new opportunities and stop putting kind of unnecessary expectations on people. And an added benefit to widening your social circle is just having new experiences. So I've mentioned this in another episode that I've gotten bored with going to the same places every weekend, of course, we're creatures of habit, my friends, and I always go to like the same three or four places. And so when you widen your social circle, you're likely to be introduced to new restaurants, new areas of town, things like that. Even you know, new workout classes, new charitable organizations, a book club, maybe a Bible study. And of course, a lot of these things were impossible or you know, hard to be part of during the pandemic when we weren't meeting in person. But now things are opening back up. And so there are more opportunities to get involved with things. But of course, I am great at doling out advice to other people and not so good at taking it myself. And that's something I really want to work on going into the new year 2022. I want to be more involved in other things outside of work. So after I shared all of this on Instagram stories, many of you expressed an interest in meeting new like minded people in your respective cities. So I created a new post on our page, be sure to follow at beck and call podcast on Instagram. In my latest feed post it says let's make some friends in big white letters on a teal background. Go to that post. Leave a comment with your city and share a little bit about yourself. But before you leave a new comment, be sure to scroll through the comments to see if someone else has mentioned your city. And if they have replied to that comment to keep each city together instead of making a new post. That way we make sure we don't leave anybody out and we're all getting connected to the people in our own cities. My friend and fellow blogger Danielle Moss did something similar on her blog a few years ago and I thought it was such a genius idea and a great way for people to connect and so I wanted to do that here. I just checked the Instagram post and there are already 115 comments from this weekend. So definitely follow that account and comment where you are and get connected with some other listeners and I can't wait to see y'all get together.
alright guys, we've made it to the beck and call segment. If you are new to the show, beck and call is my weekly q&a Where listeners can call in and ask me anything just call to 146200473 to leave me a voicemail and I will answer your question in a future episode. Let's get to the first voicemail!
Hi merit love the podcast so far. I know you're a fellow Megan Markel fan and I love watching Netflix to watch and learning about what she wears now and I even love researching what she wore and blogged about before she was the Duchess. I'm wondering which purchases of yours have been inspired by Megan or even Kate or Diana, is there anything of theirs that's on your wish list? Looking forward to hearing thanks so much again, love the podcast.
Oh my god. Yes. And I'm actually kind of embarrassed to admit how many pieces I have that I feel like something Megan has worn would were inspired by something she's worn. But then I've also made certain style choices that predate her but that go in line with her style. So like trench coats, for example. I've always enjoyed and she wears them but that choice of mine had nothing to do with her. But some of the items that I've bought that she actually owns. I have those kind of cognacs weighed Manolo Blahnik pumps, she's worn those a few times. I have a strathberry bag so like accessories for sure but because our body types are very different, I don't have a lot of her exact clothes. I do have that gray J Crew cardigan she has she worked to the US Open. But other than that, and like the same club Monaco trench, I feel like most of the stuff I have that's hers are bags and shoes. With that said we have very similar taste in like classic pieces. Like we both have just classic black turtlenecks and cream sweaters and simple skinny jeans and clean leather totes. I mean, we definitely have clothing items that probably overlap, but I don't often seek out exact clothing items she's wearing just because we do have such different body types. The clothes that fit her really well may not fit me very well. It'll be really interesting to see how her style evolves and changes now that they're in the US and doing things on their own terms. In New York, we saw these really glamorous expensive outfits, but I'm really hoping we You start to see more appearances from her and her more laid back looks because those are obviously very shoppable for the people who enjoy following her. And the more casual outfits are more relatable, they remind us of the cool California girl with that relaxed vibe that we all fell in love with. All right, let's get into the next voicemail.
Hi, Merritt. My name is Isabel. And my question is, how do you stay true to your sense of style, despite what you know, see whether it's social media influencers, fashion companies, clothing brands are pushing on us. So just for example, I feel like in this current time, if I'm not wearing like a chunky Air Force, one sneaker with the flared Venom that's ripped and cropped up everything. I feel like I'm not quote unquote, in style, I would describe my fashion sense and just preferred taste to be more like yours, and that it's elegant, sophisticated and classy. And I'd rather wear skinny Dean with a shield booty any day over a flare flare gene with Air Force One, for example. So just wondering how despite, you know, all the pushes that we get on for different trends, through all the different platforms that we see for fashion, how you stayed so strong and true to your great sense of style? Through the many years like you have, thanks,
what a great question. And also, it's one that I've gotten kind of a lot and I think part of that is due to tick tock nation and the fact that Gen Z's idea of what's cool is constantly being thrown in our face. But I think it's super important to remember that not every trend is for everyone. We all have different lifestyles, different body types, different preferences, it just doesn't make sense for all of us to be forced to wear the same thing and then be labeled uncool if we don't adhere to the ever changing trends. Now I do feel like I was way more into shopping, trendier items. When I was younger, like early to mid 20s I was buying more wild stuff. During that time I was experimenting I was you know trying different brands and finding what silhouettes I liked most but over time I've really honed my personal style and know what I like I'm consistent I buy a lot of the same silhouettes because I know what looks good on me and what I feel confident in. And now that doesn't mean I don't buy fun statement pieces from time to time that are a little you know, out of my comfort zone or out of the ordinary for me, but on the regular I try to pick pretty classic pieces I know I'm going to wear time and time again. Like for example all the 90s Mom gene or wide leg gene trend is popular right now, you know that very unfitted look might be good on some people, it is not a good look for me. And it is not a look I'm going to buy because it's not a look I'm going to enjoy wearing I personally only want to buy clothes that I feel confident in and that make me look good. And I cropped up wide leg jeans and a chunky sneaker in it. And like people complaining about how a side part is so old fashion, not everybody looks as good with the middle part. What do you want people to do? Another issue I have with the expectation for people to stay on trend is that these trends are changing so fast every season a new ones in and another ones out. So why would you base your entire wardrobe off of something that's constantly changing and evolving every single season? Sure, I buy a trendy item here and there. But when I'm buying expensive pieces of clothing, like a new pair of boots, for example, I want something I know I'm going to want to wear in 234 years. Most of the pieces in my wardrobe are like that. It's very rare that when I'm shopping I'm looking for like the next cool thing. I'm just looking for things that I like I'm looking for things that I need so holes in my wardrobe that I need to fill. And I think a good way to avoid kind of falling into that trap of you know, buying stuff that's not going to be wearable after a season is to know your style and to know what you like what looks good on you and what you reach for regularly when you're just out and about. Alright guys, that's it for this week's episode. Don't forget, you can call into the beck and call Hotline at 214-620-0473 and asked me anything. And please be sure to rate review and subscribe to the beck and call podcast. I would also love to see you guys sharing this podcast with your friends. You can screenshot where you're listening and then tag at beck and call podcast on Instagram. And then you can follow at Merritt Beck for more fashion and personal content. And with that I will see you guys next week. Bye!
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