3. Great Expectations
In this week’s episode, Merritt discusses timelines and dealing with other people’s expectations of you. She talks about what her own expectations were when she was younger and how they’ve evolved, being single in her 30’s, how her past relationships have changed how she approaches dating, and more! She also chats about Meghan and Harry’s New York “tour”, and a couple of TV shows she’s watching – one heartwarming, the other horrific (in a good way).
If you’re in Dallas now through October 24th, check out the Kips Bay Showhouse Merritt mentioned early on in the episode. Click here for more info and to buy tickets!
Follow @beckandcallpodcastam.com/beckandcallpodcast on Instagram for more content!
EPISODE AUDIO TRANSCRIPTION
Hey guys, welcome back to the beck and call podcast. I'm your host Merritt Beck I am a fashion and lifestyle blogger and on this podcast I'm talking about all things life work and love as a single woman in my 30s In case you haven't heard Fall is here, y'all and I'm so excited. It is my very favorite season not only for the clothes, obviously the clothes but I love the fall scented candles. I love decorating my porch. I already did that last week, I stopped by Nicholson Hardy two times to get pumpkins and mums, and I've also pulled out my Autumn candles. So right now I have a spiced apple candle burning and it makes my house smell incredible. I've got candy corn in my pumpkin jar. And while I was grocery shopping Sunday, I found some beautiful bouquets at Central Market. They had all these gorgeous fall colors. And so I got a couple of those to put on my coffee table and it just my space my house feels like fall and I love it. It also doesn't hurt that Dallas has had a cold front already. It's way cooler than you'd ever expect in September and I am thriving in these temps it still kind of warm during the day. But walking resist first thing in the morning, it's in the 60s couldn't ask for more honestly, in addition to decking out my house with pumpkins and fall stuff. Last week, Liza and I went to the KIPP space show house which is happening in Dallas, and it's going on through October 24. So if you are coming to Dallas at all in the next month, I highly recommend getting a ticket it is so much fun. And it's great for inspiration if you are decorating your house or if you just like to get ideas and see what other interior designers are doing what kips Bay does is they have 26 interior designers decorate different areas of the house. And I'm not just meaning decorate. I mean, they pick the trim, they redo the floors, they'd get to do paint drapes, all kinds of furniture, decor accessories. And so it really is a fun way to kind of get a taste of each designers philosophy and style, great ideas for yourself. If you are currently working on projects, it's just really it's a fun event for any interior design fans. So definitely check it out. I'll include a link for you to buy tickets and show notes if you're interested. But you can also check out their Instagram, which is at KB show house on Instagram. So definitely check it out buy tickets go before they stopped showing it on October 24. I did actually want to highlight one designer that I discovered while I was there. Her name is Shelly Rosenberg. And what I found really interesting and special about her kind of philosophy is she designed spaces that are safe and chic for disabled people. So whether you have a child who's got disabilities and you want them to have accessible bathrooms and spaces that are still stylish, she focuses on that. And I just thought that was so cool. The little bedroom she did was for a friend's daughter. And it's just such a sweet space and I think it's such a cool endeavor and a niche of hers and interior design. Now that we're to the latest I'm so excited to chat about Megan and Harry's basically their New York tour. It felt like right when Megan joined the Royal family and was going on all these royal tours and they were making all these appearances. It feels like that again. But what's so wonderful is that it's on their terms and you could tell they were just thriving in New York City and of course I was very excited about Meghan's fashion all weekend. It was really exciting to see some new looks from her especially some seasonal ones as we're heading into the fall season. She continued on the theme from the time 100 Shoot she did with Harry and wore a lot of pant looks were all really clean and chic. A lot of people had commentary around her coats but didn't bother me that much. The only time it really bothered me was at the last appearance when she ended up wearing that beautiful white embellished Valentino dress. And now I know why she wore the coat it's because she wanted the look to be photographed first on the stage totally makes sense to me. But when I saw her step out in a coat and scarf when everyone else was wearing sleeveless dresses, I was like Oh, come on. So anyway, I'm glad that there was a purpose for that because it is early in the season to be wearing heavy coats like that, especially a scarf. So I was relieved to see there was a reason behind her layering up like that ahead of the big reveal of that beautiful white dress. The two of them were just glowing on stage at that event in Central Park and it just I feel like sets a precedent for going forward. This is what we can expect of them in the United States and I hope to see them so much more this I just loved every minute of it. And while the Valentino dress was certainly the showstopper of the weekend because it you know it was very different from Another outfit she was wearing it really made an impact and stood out from the rest. I really loved the monochromatic camel and cognac look she wore either earlier that day or the day before she was wearing a MaxMara coat with a silk camel button down and matching trousers and then topped it off with cognac pumps that kind of tied in the coat for a very chic look that also felt very her we've definitely seen her in this color scheme more than once and I think it just really makes her shine. She looks beautiful in those colors. While I liked the color of the loro Piana cape and pants and you know that was another pretty monochromatic look. I didn't love the fit of it. It felt very oversized, just kind of swallowed her but she does look fantastic and that color scheme I did think that was a beautiful color. The other look that I thought was very Megan was the second MaxMara coat lock which was actually the first one if we're doing chronological order, but she wore a camel coat with a black turtleneck black pencil skirt. A valextra bag which we hadn't seen before that was really pretty it was the Z to E Sita style is IDE very polished and chic. And this look reminded me a lot of the look she wore for the visit to the SmartWorks charity when she was in London where she wore a an oversized camel coat. I think it was Oscar de la Renta with a black turtleneck dress this was when she was pregnant with Archie and it just definitely gave me a throwback to that look to wrap up on them. I'm like I said very excited that they're back. I feel like that was a good sign that we're gonna be seeing a lot more of them soon. They made such a big splash in New York and I cannot wait to see what they do next.
Before we move on to the main topic for this episode, I did want to tell you all about two TV shows. So if you followed me for a long time, you'll know that I'm just not a fan of reality TV. I just for some reason, it stresses me out. I don't enjoy watching drama like that I prefer fake drama to choose between real or fake. So I don't I'm not really you know, well versed in the Real Housewives or any of the Bravo shows. But one show that I am fully obsessed with that I discovered during the pandemic and they just launched a second season is love on the spectrum on Netflix. And if you've never heard of it, it's about adults in Australia who are on the autism spectrum and are looking for love. And it's basically a dating show, much like the other dating shows you've seen on Netflix like love is blind and all of that. But instead of neurotypical adults, that's the phrase that they use, so I'm going to use it here. It is people on the autism spectrum and it is truly so heartwarming and pure. I love this show so much. I think it is what we all need to watch in 2021 it will restore your faith in humanity. I love the show. And just like other dating shows, you really get to know the people that are featured in love on the spectrum and it's really well done. I just think it's the wholesome content we all need and I can't recommend it enough. And just like you would with shows like The Bachelor and love is blind you obviously have your favorite characters. They're obviously real people. But this season my favorite is Ronan and I'm not going to spoil anything for you just watch the show, but he is the cutest I love him. Alright, the other show I have to tell you guys about that I just heard last night. It's called squid game and it's on Netflix. It's a Korean show. I watch it with you know, English subtitles. It is kind of a horror show. It is wild. So all of these people are in debt, and they are picked and sent to this place to compete in these games for money. So it'll help get them out of debt. But the catch is, if you don't win each game, you die. It is totally bizarre, but it is incredibly well made. I mean, I'm loving it so far. It is interesting. It's different, but there's definitely some gore. So if you're opposed to that, maybe skip this one. Alright, so for today's main topic, I thought it would be fun or interesting. Sure which word makes most sense to chat about timelines and other people's expectations of you. First, let's start with what I was exposed to. So I grew up in a house with a mom and dad and my dad worked and my mom worked until she had my sister in me. And after that she was a stay at home mom. Both of my parents were very involved in all of my childhood activities. But in addition to you know, my dad working my mom also volunteered she was on the board of various, you know, foundations and galas and things happening in Austin. But primarily I was used to you know, stay at home mom. And I'd say that's true for most of the people I knew Growing up, I think most of the people I went to school with at least, you know, grade school, elementary and middle school, they, most of their dads worked. And most of their moms were stay at home moms. So as I was growing up, I always figured I'd be married young, my mom and dad got married, literally months after graduating from college, they didn't end up having me or my sister until later, they kind of just enjoyed being married for like, you know, eight years, and then had us when my mom was like, an early 30s. So with all of that a big part of me thought I'd be married, you know, in my early 20s. And I always thought I would do just like my parents, my parents had like the ideal relationship and timeline in my mind, they, you know, got married young, they met young, they met in high school, but they, you know, got to really enjoy their time with their friends and travel before they brought kids into it. And I just thought that would that sounded perfect to me. So I sort of modeled what I thought my timeline would be after what their timeline was. But of course, if you've been listening to the last two episodes of this podcast, you'll know that I am neither married nor have children. Unless you consider my dog Reese is one of my children, which I do. Back in college, I had a pretty serious boyfriend. We dated for about two years from like, mid sophomore year to mid senior year. And we had so much fun together, it was obviously a very immature relationship. We were both obviously, in college, we were in fraternities and sororities going out all the time, partying, that kind of stuff. And, like I always saw myself with him. But it wasn't until a particular moment, it was, you know, literally like a week before we broke up, he had told one of his friends that he wanted to marry me. And of course, that friend told me and I sort of was like, Oh, my God, like this is this is not what I want. We'd been kind of having issues with just, you know, a variety of things, as you might expect in college. It was just not it was not the relationship that I kind of had seen for myself long term. But we had so much fun together. And I could see myself with a guy like him. But there were just aspects of our relationship that weren't changing that I didn't like. And so when I heard that information, I sort of clammed up and I ended it. And after that, I was single for a while. And then I dated another guy, the guy in Houston that I mentioned, I think in the first episode, but again, it was sort of a whirlwind romance, we traveled a lot. We didn't live in the same city for the first like eight months of our relationship, but it moved really fast. Which was why I moved to Houston, because I wanted to really give it a chance because I did see him as somebody I might potentially want to marry. We had a lot of the same values and things like that. But as I said, in the first episode, the second I moved there, I just knew it was wrong. There were there were things about our relationship. And you know, the way he treated me I didn't appreciate in certain circumstances, and it didn't improve over time. So that ended, we sort of had a very long breakup process, we would break up and get back together, it was very volatile, it was not healthy. It was very toxic. So when rewardstyle asked me to move back to Dallas to work for them, I was like, hell yeah, I'm taking it I am getting out of here. And if I'm being perfectly honest, I will say that I felt very burned by that breakup. I ended it. Of course, I was living in a city, or I didn't know ton of people. And we got back together because I was lonely. And then it was just like an ongoing power struggle until the end, the end to the end. The very end. And so I didn't date for a while. And part of that is because I worked at rewardstyle and was blogging and you know, I didn't have a lot of time, but I also just wasn't ready for a while I just it didn't end well, I felt like I'd sort of lost confidence after that I you know, wasn't as assured as I usually am. And it just took me a while to like get back, gain my composure and get back into the right headspace to date. And while neither of those serious relationships panned out, I am so grateful for them, because now I know like how I like to be treated, and I can spot the red flags almost right away. So instead of just you know, rolling with the red flags, as I clearly did in those younger relationships, where I, you know, just didn't have enough experience to know better. Now I know how to spot the red flags and you know, end it then versus trying to make it work or, you know, hoping things might change down the line. So a lot of times now, instead of just kind of making allowances for things I you know, go on one or two dates, but I generally know after two times whether I want to continue going out with somebody that's why it's a lot of first or just second dates. There aren't multiple dates after that, at the end of the day, I've dated plenty of people that I could have married, I could have been in a long term relationship or I was in a long term relationship, but didn't end up getting married. Because they just weren't right for me. And I'm, I'd personally rather wait for the right relationship, if that means waiting until I'm 45 to get married. So be it, I would love to meet somebody. But I'm also very happy with my life the way it is, I am going to continue enjoying my life traveling, I love my job, I love going out with my friends. And I'm doing my best to put myself out there and in new situations to meet people, but I'm certainly not trying to force it or rush anything. Okay, so that was obviously a very long winded tangent, with my history of dating and everything, but just wanted to give you some framework before jumping into, you know, timelines and expectations, because I did have a timeline that I thought I wanted, but I thought I was going to accomplish I thought I would be married young, I thought I'd have kids already. It obviously surprised me. Now that I'm 34, and have neither of those things. But my priorities have changed over time, I didn't notice. Like I really didn't notice until like a year and a half ago, once my friends were really starting to have kids and you know, COVID and being alone for a long time. Like really alone, thanks to the pandemic, I really didn't notice, because I was busy. I was having fun, I was working, I was traveling, I never really stopped to think about if I needed somebody, I've always been very independent. And so it never really occurred to me to be worried about it. And I am grateful. And it might just be a personality thing. But I also think even though there's pressure from people around me, I've never felt that pressure from my family. Like my mom has always been so supportive of my dreams and of my blog and my business. And so she's never put pressure on me. I know, she wants me to meet someone. But she she never asks me questions about my dating life. She's, she's very respectful of you know, what I'm excited about and not putting pressure on me for her expectations or whatever. She's great. And I also know, the only reason she wants me to meet somebody is because she's been so happy in the relationships that she's had with my dad and then with my stepdad. And so she shifts out of love and care that she, you know, is worried about me and wants me to meet someone wonderful, but you wouldn't believe how many people maybe you would, if you're a single woman, you're in your 30s or later, might know what it's like, but I get all kinds of questions. Let's go through some of them, shall we? Okay, so recently, like this summer, I had two different people both my mom's age kind of family, friends of ours, definitely men, two men. One asked, When was the last time you went on a date? And another one asked, Do you have a boyfriend yet?
When have these ever been appropriate questions?! And I wonder, do men get asked these questions? I highly doubt it. I feel like men are asked questions about their business, like what deals are you making? Like literally anything else? Men are asked different questions, but because I'm 34 Because I am single. That's literally all they can come up with. I think part of it is people not understanding why I'm single and also why I'm not eager to quote unquote, fix that like it's an issue. But I've never seen being single as a problem. Society just tells us it is I've even had me being single used against me, in an Instagram DM on occasion. So like somebody who's trolling me or sending me something snarky, they'll be like, No wonder you're not married or no wonder you don't have a boyfriend. It's like, Is that supposed to offend me? Is being married some prize that I haven't won yet? I mean, no. It's just really crazy to use that as a retort. Because, you know, men don't get BS like that. They don't get Oh, no wonder you have a girlfriend, maybe from their friends joking. But like other men, other women don't use that as an insult. It's truly only an insult, because I'm single, and I'm a woman, and whether they're people close to you, or they're strangers, like people following me on Instagram, people expect things of you because one, a lot of times they care about you and they you know, want you to have whatever happiness that they've had, and you know, their wonderful relationship and that's great just doesn't always come off that way and can be patronizing and condescending and all of those things. And I mean, sometimes I just wish people had more tact. I just think it's crazy that we're still operating under the same antiquated ideals that we were, you know, centuries ago. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting kids and wanting to be married and all of those things. I do think I want those things. I just also think it's totally okay to not want those things. I think it's totally okay. To do things on your own timeline. Now with that said, I do recognize there is a biological clock ticking that women have to keep in mind. But that's for each individual woman to worry about. It's not up to anybody else. I'm personally still on the fence about whether I want to have kids or not. So that's why I'm sort of not in a major rush to do anything. And I just think it's wild that people don't respect those things, whether they agree with them or not, anyone's idea of what they want out of life is valid, it is not wrong to want or not want kids, it is not wrong to be in a relationship or not be in a relationship, there's no one way to do things. And it's, again, totally understandable that if you care for someone, you want them to have what you have, but they might not want exactly what you have, you might not have the relationship that they're looking for, or maybe you know, they're perfectly happy on their own, or whatever it is, I just think it's important people know that before they try and push their beliefs, or ideas or suggestions, or unsolicited advice, or whatever it is. But I just think it's so important for us as women, single women or not to create a life that you love, you know, regardless of what partner you may or may not have, I am so happy with what I've been able to build with my blog. And now this podcast, and it really fulfills me in ways that I can't even describe. I thoroughly enjoy the content creation process. I love connecting with new people and making new friends. I have traveled so much over the last decade, especially since you know I went full time with my blog, I have gotten to experience so many different things that have nothing to do with being in a relationship. Now, I would love that eventually. But I am so happy with the life that I have, that I'm not in a rush I am I don't, I don't want to put pressure on myself, I will find someone when I find somebody, but until then I am thoroughly enjoying my life. And so that would be my advice to any whether you're in your 20s 30s older, build a life that you love, regardless of relationship, have things that are just for you just yours. Build a life that you are proud of. And good things only good things can come from that whether that's a relationship or success in your career, or making new friendships, developing a hobby, literally just like living your best life. Only good things can come from that and you're bound to meet new people. When you do those things. You're bound to exude positive energy, it's gonna be good for you in the long run. So why not start now? Why wait until you're in a relationship to live your best life. And also, when you're busy doing all of those things, creating this incredible life for yourself. You forget about the expectations, you forget about the timelines. Like I didn't notice that I was 34. And single until other people pointed it out to me, I am living my best life and no one can fault me for that. So to sum it all up, screw the timeline, screw the expectations that other people have for you, and just do what you love.
Alright guys, we have reached the beck and call portion of this episode. And if you're new here, beck and call is a q&a segment that I do every week I answer to new listener questions. And you can call in and ask me anything, you just leave a voicemail at 214-620-0473 and I will answer in future episodes. So let's jump into the first one.
Hey, Merritt, I've been following you for a few years now. And I've been so inspired by your motivation and discipline with things like eating healthy and working out, etc. So I was wondering if you could talk a little bit more about your routines and habits and how you stay motivated and creating a structure for your day. Thanks so much.
Thank you so much for calling in for the question. That's very kind of you to say. I feel like my mom would disagree with you based on how I eat off camera, but I'm happy to share you know what I do and how I do it. As far as working out goes I'm very much someone who thrives on a routine. So I made it a habit several years ago and it's just kind of been part of my morning routine ever since. I am not somebody who can work out in the afternoon after multiple times of me canceling workouts talking my way out of them in the afternoon. I just know that if I don't do it in the morning, it ain't gonna happen. For some people. That's not a problem. But for me, that was something I identified pretty early on and to put a stop to that and be more consistent. I always have to work out in the morning just to know I can get it done. I also think it's important to find workouts you like I have done every workout in the book pretty much I have run I have done Orangetheory I have done BBG I have done every single peloton workout from the bike to the tread to the strength bar Pilates yoga. I've tried them all I've done real life Pilates. I've done SLT in New York, I've done the sculpt society app. But I think the key is to try a bunch of workouts, find things you love. And also keep it interesting. So mix it up, don't just do the same workout every day, all week, every week, try maybe two different classes every week, just to keep things moving and different, and it'll keep you from getting bored of one thing, but also just make it a habit. I really think just working it into a routine, like you do with everything else every day. So you're gonna always have breakfast, you might always take your dog for a walk like me. And after that, that's when I work out. And that's always want to work out. So that is my routine, and I stick with it. While I'm pretty consistent with my workout routine, my diet is far less consistent. And I really want to change that I am somebody who has struggled with yo yo dieting for years, I have gone through times where I've just eaten whatever I wanted and gained a bunch of weight. I've gone through times when I've been super restrictive, and been really skinny and just you know, didn't eat enough. And I don't want to be in either of those places. I want to be able to eat the things that I want. I want to feel good in my own skin. And I think that's something we all would like I I love the idea of body positivity and neutrality and all of that. But it's not always true. Like I can't always look in the mirror and be like You look amazing today. I think we all have things we are insecure about. But one thing that I think I could work on really is, you know, portion control. I have never done that. Well, in terms of like my everyday diet. When I'm at home and cooking and making food for myself. I'm generally very healthy. Occasionally, if I go shopping, when I'm hungry, I'll pick up bad stuff. I'll snack on all day long, which is terrible, and always up gateway to other stuff. But I'm pretty good at eating when I'm at home. Now I'm not as great when I'm eating out a lot or when I'm traveling because you know, I want to eat all the stuff that that destination offers, whether I'm in Italy, or even in Austin, I want to try the new restaurants. So that's really where I have the hardest time is when I'm eating out I can be super clean and eat pretty much paleo when I'm at home and making food but when I'm out, I want the pasta, I want the pizza, I want the alcohol. I want to fully enjoy myself. And so for me finding balance with both portion control and just kind of trying to do the 8020 thing where 80% of the time I'm eating pretty clean stuff, healthy stuff, vegetables, lean meats, fruit, that kind of thing. And then 20% of the time, I can bomb out and have my guilty pleasure foods, which I know guilty pleasure foods and bad foods. There's no such thing as good or bad foods. But you know what I mean? I can't eat pasta every day. I just can't I physically cannot I would love to but I personally would like my clothes to fit. And that just won't happen if I eat pasta every day. So anyway, all of that to say I'm still figuring it out just like you guys, I definitely do not have a good plan for anybody. I'm not a nutritionist. I do not have good advice in this area. Except for that I'm also trying to be more mindful about the food that I'm putting in my body and finding more balanced approach. So I will keep you updated. I'm sure I'll do more episodes on this topic. But for now, that's all I got. Alright, let's get into the next question.
Hi, Merritt. My name is Cole and I run an Etsy shop called Creative. I heard you mentioned Pinterest in your last episode and I'm trying to build out the Pinterest Can I have for my business. I was wondering what tips you have for content titles, descriptions and if you pay for advertising on Pinterest as well, I do mostly watercolor paintings and prints so I know it's a different subject matter than you but given your success and how long you've been doing this for wanted to pick your brain. Thank you so much been loving the podcast so far.
Happy to help. So for one thing, I would be very specific in the board categories you use. So instead of doing like a Haute home or interiors, I would do a different board for bedrooms, a different board for living rooms, a different board for little vignettes, I would do a different board for fall clothing for spring and summer clothes. You might even do different boards based on types of art, so maybe a sculpture board and then an abstract art board. And while it may seem counterintuitive to promote other artists, since you're trying to sell your own art, this page is to establish your taste and give people a better idea of your style and things that you are interested in. You want to make sure that you're promoting all kinds of content not just your own because otherwise your Pinterest page is going to feel like a full spread ad I have done a couple of paid Pinterest posts to promote my capsule wardrobes because those do perform well on Pinterest. So I have tried that but I haven't seen many great results from that. I have however, had success with promoting those and some other items in Instagram sponsored posts, I think the issue with Pinterest sponsored posts is that there are like a million images on the page directly in front of you. Whereas in an Instagram feed, you're seeing one photo at a time as you're scrolling on Pinterest. If you're on your computer, at least you see, like 50 images. And it's I mean, I don't know how you can capture somebody's attention when there's so many images right there. The layout is simply not conducive for advertising or getting anyone's attention. While my Instagram suggestion may not be helpful for your Pinterest page, it would definitely be helpful for getting new eyes to your Etsy shop and also to your own profile and to grow your following on Instagram to go back to the actual Pinterest content for a minute. I do think it's important to label both the photos that you're uploading and in the captions very specifically and think about how people are searching for content. So when I use Pinterest, oftentimes I'm looking for a photo to use in my newsletter that coincides with the content I'm writing about the let's say in beck and call, I'm talking about fall fashion, I may search for fall 2021 Fashion Week streetstyle to get kind of an artsy editorial shot. So when you're labeling your photos and captioning your photos for your art, for example, or your Etsy shop, think about the colors that you're using and what people might be searching for. If they're searching for art like that on Pinterest and utilize those just get creative with your keywords so you can make sure that your photos are optimized for those various search engines on Etsy and on Pinterest and that way that content is more likely to be discovered. Alright guys, that's it for this week's beckon call. I will be back next week with a new episode. Don't forget you can call into the hotline which is 214-620-0473 to ask me any question that I will answer on a future episode and in the meantime, be sure to follow me on Instagram at Merritt Beck and if you're enjoying the podcast, be sure to rate review and Subscribe. Thanks guys. I will see you next week. Bye
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